My day shift nurse arrived, whom we requested. She was the wife of someone Jacob worked with, so very sweet. I had a few high blood pressures, but turning down the lights, listening to music, and calming myself made them go away. The Dr. arrived to break my water only an hour after being on pitocin. I was not excited about this. I wanted to labor longer, and let the baby have time to recover after the decels, but he thought we should get things going. I was 3+ centimeters at the time. I held my breath after he broke my water for a moment, watching heart tones and waiting to see if I was going to end up with a crash C-section. Thankfully it looked fine then, but soon after and for the rest of my labor I struggled with finding the right position to help with variable decels. During early labor, I mostly changed positions in bed, swayed standing up, and bounced on the birth ball. My contractions were getting more regular and intense, and, while, on the ball, my Dr. Showed up. "Your contractions are looking special. Still want to do it natural?," was all he said. "So far," I said, knowing that anything could change. The baby had more variables, so I got back in bed and tried side to side, and hands and knees. Then, a nurse came in and helped me sit straight up. This worked the best. I was 5+ at this point, and knew that I was over half way, and that things would probably go quicker. If I hadn't been changing, I would have caved and had an epidural. If I remember correctly, the highest my pitocin got up to was 12. At this point, I wasn't talking much, focusing on my music and breathing. After an hour in this position, I was 6+. I decided since the baby's heart was looking good, I would try to turn on my sides to see if I could get things moving. Baby didn't like that, and I had to sit back up, but I was 7+ after those few minutes. Instantly after sitting up, I had extreme pain, and could not contain myself from moaning. Up till that point, several people that came in the room talked about what a calming relaxing place it was. The nurse checked again, and she said my cervix was a lip, but reducable. I knew what that meant. This baby was coming, and the Dr. was not here. I panicked, and told her to hurry and call the Dr. I was trying not to push, and I let out a few screams because I had never felt anything so intense in my life, and the nurse reminded me not to scream and to breathe. I knew this, but this information left me for a moment. I had no idea how my family was doing till the nurse asked if one of them was okay. I looked up to see them crying. They knew he was almost here. It became too intense, so I told the nurse I had to push. She said, "that's okay, just push and grunt at the same time." So, I did. Then relief overcame me, when the Dr. arrived. I was able to push calmly. The baby's heart tones went down again while pushing. I began to breathe deeply, and the nurses then gave me oxygen. I didn't notice, but apparently during this time, the Dr. asked Jacob 3 times if he was sure he wanted to cut the cord. Finally, he was crowning, and the Dr. said, "That's as close to out as he's going to get." I paused for a moment to wait for the next contraction before giving a final push. His head was out, and they told me to stop, so the Dr. could suction. That moment seemed like forever, and I finally asked to push, and a nurse said yes. Then he was born on January 31st, 2013 at 1306 all 9# 3oz and 21 inches of him. They laid him on my chest, and I held him for a moment, but wanted them to take him so he would get "pink" faster. His apgars were 8 and 9, but he was healthy and beautiful. In those next moments, tears followed from me and my family. I praised Him for giving him to us. I remember a nurse telling me, "Good job. You had such great control." It was nice to hear, because it didn't feel like it for a few moments. It truly was one of the most powerful moments in my life. I was thankful to have made it through without a C-section and without pain medication, wanting to experience the weight of the curse since the garden of Eden, wanting to remember the whole experience this time, and wanting to make my husband proud. He had given me that and given me grace. In the moments that followed, I held Xavier Luke, and a burden was lifted and joy restored to my broken heart. Six months later, to the day, I was on an airplane to Beijing with my husband, Eden, Ephraim, and my six month old baby boy. Joy unspeakable. And I look forward to the day when I see my other three children.
Showers of Blessing:
Joy after sorrow
His plans are better than ours
Having choices in unpredictable birth
Sweet eternity to look forward to
You give and take away, Blessed be Your name
How deep the Father's love for us